stop me if you heard this before...

Soooooooooooo, I was robbed. Someone broke into my house the night before Halloween (Devils Night is what we call it in the D). Thats what they did to my door. They came in from my roof and got into my apt, and trashed my place and stole a loaner laptop.... a laptop that a friend was loaning me, because I don't have one. sucks monkey nuts!!!

so WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..... NOT!

More like: what am I being or what am I projecting out for this to come to me. What was th enabler? Well, in the west, the first thing we think about was, "were your doors locked" or "what kind of neighborhood do you live in" or "oooh be careful who you let in your house, it could be your someone you know, like a friend"... which makes you the victim, right? Not necessarily a creator, which is WHO YOU ARE... or at least who I am. There is nothing "wrong" with that mind set, but its kinda one-sided, and I lived on that side for long enough.

I used to work at a spa on 13th str, and during training, they were telling us about a massage, I think it was the Shiatsu Ki massage, anyway... one thing I remember the manager/therapist had said was that in the west, if your lower back in hurting, the thought would be to go to the lower back to massage the area, whereas in the east, if your lower back is hurting, they would look at other areas that are more than likely contributing to the pain, places where you maybe holding your tension or over compensating. They would focus on that area and by the end of the session, your lower back, which was barely touched would feel better.

Fast Forward to one of Malidoma Some's book, maybe OF WATER AND SPIRIT. I remember him recalling a story where he was having some problems in school. I think he wasn't doing so well in his classes, but instead of just studying "harder" he went to see a Shaman; a diviner in his village. went back to school (in the states or maybe France [think colonialism]) studied and excelled.

You get where I'm goin...

So what was I projecting? someone asked: what are you not giving to yourself where you feel you deserve, where you feel you HAVE TO TAKE IT! What does your soul want that you are not giving it to yourSELF? .... That's a long list, and that may be the biggest violation, more bigger then a messy house and a broken door. Not to mention I see God showing up everywhere. I keep hearing, "what will it take for you to be grateful today" or "what will it take for you to take YOU seriously". Why does it have to be a jolting experience, why does someone have to die, why do you have to get fired or laid off before you (me) get your shit together? Then I think of my fear, and THEN IT PROJECTS!!!

You can only ignore God for so long before it manifests in a bigger-attention grabbing way. Now replace "God", with "yourSELF". and of course, its these occasions that bring you back to your center, but it doesn't have to always be this way. I have enough stories and experiences to RE- MEMBER, to put together to determine whether I should choose again, or think again...

well when I decide that I don't want to experience fear anymore, I will choose something else. But until then, I will prepare for my reading by a Yoruba Ifa Priest, and be open to whats prescribed... I'm done for now, but not for long... I see more library visits in my future